Making Christmas work for the children after a separation or divorce

When you and your former partner are separated or divorced, Christmas can bring extra stress - not just because of the festive expectations, but because you’re trying to do what’s best for your children whilst navigating changed family circumstances.

However, with planning, communication and a focus on the children’s needs, you can make the season positive and perhaps lay the foundations for a happy Christmas in the future and new family traditions.

Child arrangements over Christmas

Under UK family law, when child arrangements are an issue the Court will always prioritise what is in the child’s best interests, but as experienced family solicitors who have advised clients for many years we always advise that Court proceedings should be a last resort and that keeping the channels of communication open is best.

“What is in the child’s best interests should be a priority, it’s not about the parents, especially at this time of year,” said Divorce and Family Law Solicitor, Lucinda McWatt.

“Divorced or separated parents face specific legal considerations when it comes to arranging Christmas and other holidays and although it’s only November it’s better to make your arrangements as soon as possible to avoid any confusion,” she added.

What are your legal options if you can't agree on child arrangements?

If you and your former partner can’t reach an agreement, then mediation is an option.

Before it escalates to court couples are generally required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) to explore mediation as an option. If it comes to this a trained mediator will sit down with both parties to help you agree the arrangements.

If mediation fails, then it’s an application to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order (e.g., “who the child spends Christmas with this year”).

“I always advise clients not to leave it until the last minute to talk about the big days, the holidays, Christmas and birthdays as it’s rarely ideal to leave it until right before, court processes take time and can add more stress, so early planning is best,” said Lucinda McWatt.

If a trip abroad is planned and you share parental responsibility then you need the other parent’s permission, if this is not given you may need to seek a court order.

12 tips separated families need to consider at Christmas

1. Explain (at a level appropriate for their age) that things may be different this year, but both parents still love them.
2. Review your Child Arrangements Order - If you have a Child Arrangements Order in place it may specify how Christmas and other holidays should be divided. Review this order carefully to ensure you understand your legal rights and obligations. Both parents are legally obligated to follow the terms of the Child Arrangements Order and any failure to do so could result in legal action, including possible penalties.
3. If your current Child Arrangements Order no longer suits your circumstances, you may apply to the court for a variation. This should be done well in advance of the holidays.
4. If you cannot agree on a particular aspect of the holiday arrangements, such as where the child will spend Christmas, you may apply to Court to resolve the matter.
5. Ask the children (if old enough) for their views: e.g., “Which part of the day matters most to you?” — but don’t force them to choose between parents.
6. Keep to established routines wherever possible (bedtimes, school pick‐ups) so Christmas doesn’t feel completely unanchored.
7. Agree arrangements early and clearly, be mindful of wider family traditions, travel plans and who does what and when, as it’s helpful to sort out logistics early.
8. Put what you agree in writing (email or message) so both parents have the same understanding.
9. Agree hand‐over times and locations in advance so children aren’t left waiting or caught between parents.
10. Try not to speak negatively about the other parent in front of the children.
11. If one parent is introducing a new partner at a festive event, discuss with the other parent beforehand whether the timing is appropriate.
12. Having very different gift budgets can send unintended messages to children. If at all possible agree on a rough budget or coordinate who gives what, or maybe even consider shared purchases or mentions “from both parents” to reinforce that both of you remain their parents, even if you live apart.

“Christmas after separation will look different, but it’s always worth remembering that for fighting parents it could have become a bitter time and so looking forward households can hopefully be a little more settled and time with the children can be quality special time, at a special time of year,” said Lucinda.

“As always keep lines of communication open with your former partner and reflect on what has worked and perhaps what needs to be changed next year.”

How can we help?

If you are unsure about your legal rights following a divorce or separation or if co-parenting is particularly conflicted contact our specialist family law solicitors on 0161 785 3500 or email enquiries@pearsonlegal.co.uk for some initial advice.

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Please note that the information and opinions contained in this article are not intended to be comprehensive, nor to provide legal advice. No responsibility for its accuracy or correctness is assumed by Pearson Solicitors and Financial Advisers Ltd or any of its members or employees. Professional legal advice should be obtained before taking, or refraining from taking, any action as a result of this article.